No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
