Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Someone shattered a urinal.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
