tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
