I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
