Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
