I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
