allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
