They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
