I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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