So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
