no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
