yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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