I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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