yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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