Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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