and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
