I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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