i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize