Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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