That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
