I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
zippers are such a cool invention
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
