Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
