my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
