Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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