Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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