I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
