3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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