Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize