I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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