Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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