When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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