Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
nutella sex= disaster
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
