i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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