i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
