The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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