I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
