I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
