Define "chronic" masturbator.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
