the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
