I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
