u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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