I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
