Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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