i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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