I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this will be a night to untag.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
