My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize