sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
