Umm I'm too high to move.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
