i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
