cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
