just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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