I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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