Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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