we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
