She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This show inspires me to have sex in space
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
