i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
