hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
