i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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