No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
