but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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