i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
