Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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