I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
