u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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