Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
