Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
