um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
