Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Found the puke drawer
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
