you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
