I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize