And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
