I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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