2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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