he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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