Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
