Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
