it was like having sex with a tree stump
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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