So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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