I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
