ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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