My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He has the fingertips of a God
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
