he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
