I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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