8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
this is an emotional support booty call
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
