Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Still dying that you shit outside
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
