What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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