So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
