PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize