I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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