This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
