dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
