Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize