I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Randomize
