i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
