and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
