the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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