some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
