I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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