So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I want to be your penis for a week.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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