I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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