This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize