The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
