I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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