I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
