i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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