I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
