I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
