i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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