Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
