I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
