I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Who wears a wallet chain?!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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