WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
