If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
