Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
