Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
