Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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