Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
